Oopsy Daisy Read online

  ‘Let me finish.’ He stifled a burp. ‘One too many.’ He nodded wisely and stumbled as he tried to climb over a pile of overflowing supermarket bags in the hall.

  ‘Shall I put these away?’ asked Anna, already picking up one of the heavy bags and looking inside. ‘Blimey that’s a lot of carrots,’ she said, seeing all the bags were full of carrots.

  ‘Online shopping.’ Dave shook his head gravely. ‘It took me two hours to place my order and I swear I only ordered twelve carrots.’

  ‘Ah,’ said Anna. ‘Looks like twelve kilos of carrots. You need to watch that.’

  ‘Sophie usually does it. I’ve not got a clue.’

  This was borne out as they both surveyed the pizza-box-strewn living room. ‘Come on, Dave, you need to get yourself sorted. Sophie won’t want to come home to this.’

  ‘I’ll tidy up,’ he said, before slumping back onto the sofa.

  ‘Fine but what else, Dave? What else are you going to do?’

  Dave shrugged and then without warning burst into tears. Anna instinctively sat down next to him, put her arms round him and hugged him. His body shook with sobs. This was becoming a habit this evening. Anna held him until he’d got the tears under control. He pulled away and rubbed at his eyes.

  ‘I’m sorry, Anna. I can’t believe she’s left me and the kids.’

  ‘But it’s not permanent, Dave, she will come home. You two just need to sort out your differences.’

  ‘I don’t think it’s that easy.’

  ‘Yes, it is,’ insisted Anna. Although she was keen to have her flat back, she wasn’t being selfish – she wanted the best for her friends. It bothered her that Dave and Sophie were doing this. Anyone could see they were made for each other and if they couldn’t make it work, there was very little hope for her. Yes, they annoyed the crap out of each other but it didn’t mean they didn’t make each other happy too. They’d just forgotten how.

  Dave hiccupped. ‘Did she tell you how I found her last week?’ Anna shook her head. ‘She had a mini roll in one hand, a slice of ham in the other and a jar of Marmite on her lap,’ said Dave, shaking his head.

  ‘Maybe neither of you have been at your best lately but the bottom line is – you love each other. That’s got to be worth making some changes for. Maybe start with sorting the house out? A bit of decorating, maybe?’

  Dave gave a wince. ‘It all costs money.’

  ‘Then spend some money. Do what she wants, Dave. Give her the Hollywood house makeover if it’ll make her happy.’

  ‘Sophie knows the stuff in magazines is all fantasy; it’s not real. We’re on a tight budget. She understands we can’t live our lives like that.’ He glanced at Anna but her expression didn’t say she agreed. ‘Come on, we’re not the Kardashians!’

  ‘You’re both working, you must be doing all right.’

  ‘Have you any idea how much the mortgage on this place is?’

  ‘Your mortgage will still be here in twenty years’ time but your wife might not be.’

  Dave’s eyes widened but his pupils didn’t. ‘You are aware that statement doesn’t contain anything positive?’

  ‘Uh-huh,’ said Anna, with a head bob. ‘You need to woo her back, Dave. Make her feel special.’ He opened his mouth but she carried on. ‘It doesn’t have to cost loads – she just needs to know you care. That you see her as more than free childcare, cook and cleaner.’

  He leaned back against the sofa and Anna pulled her arm free just in time.

  ‘You know I love you, Anna?’ said Dave, with a hint of a slur in his words.

  She knew it was the beer talking fluent bollocks. ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes. Absolutely. But in a completely asexual way. You understand? You’re lovely and everything but you’re just not my type. I don’t find you at all attractive.’

  ‘Right,’ said Anna, starting to feel a little insulted. ‘Is there anything specific?’ she asked. Life in business had always taught her to embrace feedback as a positive thing.

  Dave closed his eyes, deep in thought. ‘You’re very up and down figure-wise,’ he said, waving his arm in her general direction.

  Anna could live with that. She wasn’t ever going to be curvy like Sophie.

  ‘And you wear a lot of make-up. Makes me wonder what you’re hiding under it.’

  ‘I just like make-up.’ She was starting to feel self-conscious.

  ‘And …’ Great, thought Anna, there’s more. ‘You have a weird pursing your lips thing like you’ve just put lipstick on. And your hair is a bit …’

  ‘Okay, thanks, Dave. I think I get the picture. Do you talk to Sophie like this?’

  ‘Why?’ His head angled towards her but stayed resting against the sofa.

  ‘Because I’m starting to see why she might be feeling a bit cheesed off.’

  ‘But I love the way Sophie looks. I’ve fancied her from the moment I saw her and she’s funny too. We used to laugh a lot, you know?’

  ‘Yeah, I remember. But neither of you are happy like this.’

  ‘I don’t mean to upset her but somehow I constantly say and do the wrong thing. She gets her knickers in a twist over the tiniest thing.’

  ‘And those are mighty big maternity knickers she’s wearing at the moment,’ said Anna.

  Dave grinned. ‘They’re frigging huge.’

  ‘And don’t you think it makes her feel a bit less than alluring?’

  ‘It shouldn’t. She’s carrying my baby, and that makes her the sexiest woman on the planet to me.’ Dave started to tear up again.

  ‘Then you should tell her exactly that,’ said Anna. Dave sat forward as if about to spring into action. ‘Not now. But maybe once you’ve had some sleep, a shower and a shave.’

  Dave nodded. ‘Thanks, Anna.’

  ‘You’re welcome,’ she said, giving him a pat like you would a trusted Labrador.

  Even though it was August it was chilly outside and Anna was grateful to get back into the warm of the flat.

  ‘Hiya,’ she said, kicking off her trainers. She could hear sobbing and she followed the sound until she found Sophie curled up on the sofa seemingly trying for the world record attempt of how many tissues can be extracted from a box in five seconds.

  ‘Hey, what’s up?’ asked Anna, trying to give her a hug but Sophie pushed her away and blew her nose loudly.

  ‘Pants!’ was all Sophie said before she went all blotchy and started crying again. Anna was momentarily stunned. She’d spent a whole hour talking to Dave, in an attempt to get them back together. What had happened now?

  ‘What’s the matter?’ she said, wondering what hormone had now popped into Sophie’s bloodstream.

  ‘Those pants you said you knew nothing about,’ said Sophie, blinking as more tears tumbled down her cheeks. ‘Where are they?’

  ‘In the bin. Have you suddenly realised you’re a Marvel fan?’

  Sophie ignored the joke and pulled out another tree’s worth of tissues. Maurice tried to help and pulled a few more out for her.

  ‘Sophe, I don’t know what you’re going on about. Do you want to know how I got on with Dave?’ The fact Sophie hadn’t asked didn’t bode well for an early reconciliation.

  ‘I know how you got on with my husband: a million times better than me!’

  ‘Have you been drinking?’

  ‘When were you going to tell me you were having an affair with Dave?’

  Anna laughed involuntarily but then saw Sophie’s pained expression and clenched jaw – she was serious.

  ‘Come on, Sophie. You’re joking, right?’ Although everything about Sophie’s body language said she wasn’t. ‘How on earth have you leaped to such a ridiculous conclusion?’

  ‘I think this text from Dave makes it pretty clear how he feels about you. And I don’t blame him. You’re so much nicer than me. I’m a horrible person.’ She passed her phone to Anna, but Anna was concentrating on her distraught friend.

  ‘Sophie. Don’t be like this. I shouldn’t
have to say it but nothing’s going on between me and Dave.’

  ‘Read the message,’ instructed Sophie, her voice so choked up it was barely audible.

  Anna fumbled with the phone before scrolling backwards through the text conversation, past a number of abusive replies from Sophie and finally she read Dave’s message.

  Talking to Anna has helped me see things clearly. I wish you were her

  Anna blinked then she reread it. ‘It’s a typo, you pair of goons. It should say I wish you were here.’

  ‘What?’ said Sophie, sniffing back the tears and snatching her phone from Anna.

  ‘Bloody hell,’ said Anna. ‘Forget the coffee. I might be forced back to alcohol.’

  Sophie scrolled through her phone. ‘Hairy potholes. What have I done?’

  Anna gave her friend a hug. ‘You’ve made your make-up run and you’ve probably single-handedly increased the Kleenex share price. But otherwise nothing we can’t sort out.’

  Sophie put down her phone, hugged Anna back and started to cry again but this time it was interspersed with giggles. ‘I bloody love you, Strickland,’ she said.

  ‘Are you sure you’re not pissed?’ asked Anna, as they both began to laugh.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Connor had dropped her a text to say he would be in the city centre and asked if she fancied lunch as he’d really like to see her. It had been a nice message and given her a little boost, and so that was how Anna found herself on an impromptu date. She knew the upset between Sophie and Dave was affecting her more than it should have done but right now there wasn’t a lot she could do about it. That being said, she had made a pledge with herself to make it her special project to get them back together before the kids came back from their holiday.

  When she reached the coffee shop Connor welcomed her with a beaming smile and immediately went to get food and drinks, taking care to make sure he’d got her coffee order right. He really was very sweet. While he was waiting in the queue she had a chance to have a proper look at him without being too obvious. He was tall – maybe even taller than Hudson. Today Connor was wearing a shirt and tie. Nothing fancy but he looked smart and not quite as young as he had the first time they’d met. He didn’t fill his shirt like a certain American she knew, but then who did? His limbs seemed a bit out of proportion making him a little gangly and uncoordinated – and as if to demonstrate exactly what Anna was thinking, he tripped over his own feet as he was called forward to the counter. He apologised profusely to everyone nearby and shot a self-conscious glance at Anna, who turned away.

  Connor returned with the drinks and a table number. ‘Thanks for meeting me. I just thought I’ve got a couple of hours free, and you’re the person I would most like to spend them with,’ he said, averting his eyes.

  ‘Thanks. It was a nice thought. It’s always good to escape the office.’

  ‘You’re a project manager, right?’ He seemed to be testing his memory skills from their first-date conversation.

  ‘Yes, well remembered. And you work with mobile phones.’ She couldn’t recollect what he did exactly.

  ‘Correct. Here, let me show you something. Do you mind?’ he asked, pointing to her mobile.

  ‘Sure.’ She unlocked it and passed it to him. His thumbs traversed the screen at speed and then he leaned towards her and showed her the screen was now a spirit level.

  ‘If you’re doing any DIY you can use this to check your shelves are straight.’

  ‘Okay. I didn’t know it did that.’ Connor turned away again, pressed a few keys and then placed the phone face down.

  ‘And now if I send a message …’ He got out his own phone and within seconds the camera flash went off on Anna’s phone.

  ‘Wow, has it taken a photo?’

  ‘No, but it’s a way of alerting you to a message instead of beeping or vibrating.’

  ‘I guess it’s useful if you’re deaf,’ she said. She knew he was being helpful by showing her some features she wasn’t aware of but it wasn’t the most fun she’d ever had. She gave herself a mental shake. Connor was a decent person, he seemed dependable and there was a lot to be said for that. And she wasn’t looking for anything serious and as nice, dependable dateable men went, she could do far worse than Connor. A lull in conversation had Connor glancing about restlessly. A group of young people carrying folders came in and filled the small shop with their laughter.

  ‘Seeing all these students about makes me feel seriously old.’

  Anna busied herself with her coffee. ‘Well, it was a long time ago now,’ she said brusquely. ‘Have you got a busy afternoon planned?’ she added, keen to change the subject and halt the thoughts in her head.

  Connor seemed to falter. ‘Err, not too busy.’ The silence fell on them again. ‘I remember my freshers’ week. I was part of the rugby team and had to drink beer out of my boots every night for a week.’

  Great, thought Anna. The last thing I want to do is rake over my past. She knew he was just trying to make conversation but it uncovered feelings she struggled to manage. Connor bent forward a little and continued. ‘And I won’t begin to tell you what I had to dress as for my initiation. How about you?’ He picked up his drink but didn’t take his eyes off Anna.

  She tried to keep herself calm but she knew she had to say something. ‘There were a few parties, lots of pizza but I don’t remember much else. I guess that was all the alcohol.’ She tried to laugh at the end but it was impossible to even fake a giggle. Connor was leaning forwards with interest.

  ‘Anything particularly wild?’

  Anna felt a mild panic begin to unfold inside her. She needed to change the subject. Just then the camera on her phone flashed making her jump. ‘A message.’ Thank the Lord, she thought. She opened the rambling rant from Sophie about Dave getting cupcakes delivered to the office. Anna had an idea. ‘Bugger. Crisis in the office. I’m sorry, Connor, but I really have to go.’

  ‘What, this second?’ For the first time she saw a flash of annoyance although he quickly recovered. ‘Okay. If you have to.’

  ‘I’m so sorry. I’ll call you. This was really nice.’ She gestured to the drinks, grabbed her jacket and bag and hurried out.

  Sophie was still grumbling about Dave when Anna joined them for a team meeting. She flopped onto a wheelie chair making it skid backwards and bump into Karl.

  ‘Sorry,’ said Anna.

  ‘Women drivers,’ said Karl, with a grin.

  ‘Remind me again why you’re still single? It’s a complete mystery to me,’ said Anna, barely glancing in Karl’s direction. ‘What’s up with you?’ she asked Sophie.

  ‘My day started with a prick up my bum.’ Sophie wagged a finger threateningly at Karl. ‘Not a blooming word.’ Karl reversed his chair away whilst holding up his hands in surrender. ‘Dave put a rose on the driving seat but I didn’t notice and sat on the pigging thing. You’ll have to inspect my backside later, I’m sure it drew blood.’ Sophie rubbed her bum as she spoke.

  ‘Great, I’m really looking forward to that,’ said Anna, with a wide fake smile.

  ‘And listen to this,’ said Sophie, holding out her phone on speakerphone as she played a message. A loud noise came from the phone making Anna wince.

  ‘Is it someone playing a trumpet?’ asked Anna.

  ‘Or grating a cat’s arse?’ asked Karl.

  ‘It’s Dave blowing his clarinet,’ said Sophie. Karl opened his mouth. ‘NOT a euphemism,’ she added quickly.

  Anna concentrated hard. ‘What’s the tune?’

  ‘It might be the theme from Titanic,’ said Sophie, not looking convinced.

  ‘Yes, yes, I think it could be. Ah, he’s serenading you. That’s sweet of him,’ said Anna. She couldn’t help feeling pleased Dave was making an effort however madcap it may appear.

  Sophie pouted. ‘I guess.’

  ‘You really need to stop looking at everything Dave does with shit-tinted spectacles,’ said Anna.

  Sophie sighed. ‘I
know.’ She offered Anna a cupcake from the box – each of them prettily iced with one letter. Anna studied what now remained:

  YOU POO ELVIS

  Anna glowered at Karl who was studiously ignoring her. ‘What did it say before the cretin played anagrams?’

  Sophie mumbled her reply. ‘Sophie I love you x.’

  ‘He’s trying,’ said Anna, taking a bite out of a cupcake.

  ‘He certainly is. In fact I think if you look up “Trying” in the dictionary there’s actually a picture of Dave next to it.’

  ‘Is everyone here?’ said Roberta, striding into the room and sucking the energy from it like a Gucci-clad dementor.

  Part way through the meeting Anna’s phoned flashed and everyone turned to look. Bugger! ‘Sorry I don’t know how to turn it off.’ She should have asked Connor to switch it back to vibrate; the flashing thing was beginning to get really annoying. She picked up her phone to see who the message was from. It was Connor.

  Shame you had to dash off but I do 100% understand. I had a few minutes so here’s a music playlist from your uni years. It’s a ‘throwback’ thing that everyone’s doing at the moment. Hope it makes a busy afternoon better. C x.

  There was a link attached but Anna was staring at the very last letter. A simple letter that when used in a word means nothing but on its own or on a cupcake it makes all the difference. She wasn’t sure she was ready for kisses from Connor. She certainly wasn’t ready for the modern-day equivalent of a mix tape. She followed the link anyway and as she suspected the songs on the list did have her mind racing back to her student days. She deleted the playlist quickly and tried to tune back in to the meeting.

  The last weekend of the school holidays was looming and Sophie was excited because the children would be coming back from their trip, which from all accounts they were thoroughly enjoying. The thought of her having to go home still troubled her. She liked staying at Anna’s; it was peaceful and ordered and she was sleeping really well despite having to get up numerous times for a wee because the baby was using her bladder as a pillow. She’d been there nearly two weeks now and she’d become calmer, more relaxed and generally a nicer person. She wasn’t cross all the time. She was still cross some of the time because Dave still managed to annoy her but it was easier to escape here.